My favorite Christmas song has always been “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas.”  And this year, it’s been the perfect song. Have yourself a merry little Christmas. Let your heart be light. Next year all our troubles will be out of sight.

It’s been a quiet December.  One of my cats is dying. He’s a beloved member of my family. I’m still hoping that his doctors will scratch their heads six months from now and say, “huh”  because his liver has said “hell, no, I’m not failing!” But, I know that’s not hugely likely. So, between vet runs, medications, no leftover money and the horrible economy resulting in pretty much everyone living smaller than we used to, I haven’t gone to a single holiday event this year. Well, one impromptu work happy hour courtesy of the big boss and an office potluck which was lovely. But nothing with friends and decorations and lavish bigness or cozy charm. Maybe this sounds sad, and my heart is breaking at the prospect of losing my baby boy kitty, but as I sit here in my quiet, lovely, holiday decorated apartment with my happy little tree and Christmas playlist, I find that I may have had a quiet month, but I am (mostly) content and am ok with my quiet final month of 2010.

My parents came up to visit two weekends ago, and we braved the crowds and saw some of the Christmas wonders of the city. And each night as I leave work, I’ve been walking (insert hobbling) to various beautiful parts of the city to enjoy their lights and decorations. My family has always been that family that drives around and looks at the lights in various neighborhoods. I love doing that. So, now, I just do it on my feet and check out what various businesses, parks and neighbors have done. It’s a fantastically beautiful time of year.

And regardless of grief, money issues, and whatever personal upsets the year has offered and taunted, I have wonderful friends and family and I don’t need big, or even small, parties to know that. And isn’t that what it’s all about?

Christmas is also my birthday. I’m ignoring it so far this year– for the most part. I’m not ready to turn the age that I’m about to be. Although, it’s a lucky number made up of two magical prime numbers, so in a month or so, I’ll bring myself around to embracing that it will be a magical year for me. But right now, in this quiet mood in which I find myself, I’m just going to quietly mark the occasion. Maybe I’ll have a party later. Maybe not.  Tonite, I’m having a holiday cocktail and a celebratory birthday cupcake. Cheers and happy birthday to me. And happy holidays to all I am lucky enough to have in my life! Peace.

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